All Apologies

Today, I accidentally hurt my baby.

I was cutting her fingernails when on the last finger, she had a startle reflex so i cut her skin and it bled :(

I was still crying hard even when she already stopped and started smiling again. I can't believe I hurt my baby. I was hearing stories how other moms experience this same plight and before this incident I was proud that my baby was never hurt physically...

until today. She's hurt because of me.

I blame myself.

Baby ko, Mommy is going to have a lot more errors in the future. I may cause you pain. I may make you cry. Please know that it will never be intentional.

I apologize anak. Mommy and Daddy love you so much.

Christmas 2008

I am writing this down so I will not forget... how we celebrated our first christmas with Pompy.

For as long as I remember, I religiously attended every misa de galo with my family. Traditionally, with new clothes. When I was younger, I honestly thought this is the kind of mass where all the people would show off their new clothes.

This year, I stayed home. I fear Pompy might get sick. With the weather, with whatever the crowd might have, or she might simply hit her topak mood.

I missed Noche Buena too. I fell asleep beside her and they didnt wake me up. Partly my request. Nowadays, sleep is very important. A lost sleep is forever lost.

Christmas day, Pompy watched me wrap the remaining gifts. Some of my inaanak were lucky that I was still at home. After lunch, we dropped by the church. There were just 3 of us. The church was so quiet (best time for giving thanks), until Pompy started babbling. As if she's also praying. Then we headed to Tita Jacq. There we stayed till the sun set. We're home by 6pm and Pompita was dead tired, she fell asleep as soon as her back was laid on our old bed.

It was so simple that I think nobody would be interested on hearing about it. Still, it is one of my best Christmases. And I thank You, God, for all Your blessings this year. For everything I have. For everything I still have.

Jana: the 3rd month

• is a happy baby. smiles and laugh a lot (especially when she just woke up. ang tactic pa nyan to set her mood, greet her "Good Morniiiing!" with a big smile. Doesnt matter what time of the day it is. basta greet mo sya good morning, magii-smile na yan.)
  
• weighs 5.7 kg and measures 56 cm (i knowww. she's become an average-sized baby. probably due to recent adjustment (read: mommy's work). patabain ulit!)
• no problem on breast and nipple transition (1st time we introduced bottlefeeding sa kanya, parang wala lang. malay at paki nya. basta dumedede lang sya)
  
• less diaper changing on the evening. once na lang ata. most weewee happens when she wakes up at around 7am.
• she still drinks her milk almost every hour from 12am-7am.
• since mama went back to work, instead of 7pm she sleeps later in the evening na =(
• she's easier to put to sleep. konting hele at tapik na lang :) she doesnt wake that often anymore when you put her down to bed. (pag ako nagpapatulog ha, ewan ko lang pag iba ang me hawak sa kanya)
  
• her cries are easier to read: it's either she's hungry or sleepy. that's it.
• her 2 hobbies: staring at the curtains or playing with her musical mobile in the crib.
  
• this morning, she stopped sucking milk and laughed when mama sang happy birthday.
• sings with mama when humming Brahm's Lullaby (ay nako, kala mo talaga nakakaintindi na sya).

Reality Bites

Same time next week, I might be crying myself to sleep.

I will be going back to work and that means lesser time with Pompy. In addition to that, I will leave my daughter into the hands of someone I DO NOT TRUST. An 18 year old girl who's half-deaf and shakes my baby like a tambourine. I complained it to my mother who said I need to give her a chance. She said she'd look after Pompy as well (I pressume she means she'd look after her on the days when she's home and not being treated as a slave/driver by some thick-face friend/kamag-anak).

Instincts are instincts though.

Only mothers who have gone thru the same experience can understand what I am feeling right now. It is NOT easy to entrust your child to anyone.

My 2-month old baby. My baby's habits and tantrums. Maybe if she's in 8th month or so, it could be a little easier for me. She's still too fragile right now. A part of me is dying as I struggle to learn how to let go. But currently, I sadly have no choice =,(

Closet Queen

As of today, we are temporarily closing the Closet of Pompita.

We think she has too many clothes right now (apaw na yung damit nya sa drawers nya) and she still have 2 boxes of bigger clothes for future use.

Aba, hindi na ata nag-uulit ng damit ang batang ito. At nahihirapan na ako magdesisyon kung ano ang isusuot sa kanya (rock chick onesies, conservative dress, pink na pink na tshirt, malanding spaghetti strap, dress na labas pusod, hiphop onesies, etc).

Kaliit-liit na nilalang, malandutay na.

ps: Anak, patawarin mo ako sa pagpost ng picture mo na eto ha.